Secret Lives — Chloe

From Janus 162

Tell us a little about yourself.

I’m a 28-year-old graduate from a respectable middle-class background. Sunday school and Girl Guides kind of thing. If I could dispense with modesty a moment I’m intelligent ambitious and successful. I hold a senior position at a well-known merchant bank in the City.

I also have an evening job — I meet gentlemen who punish me in return for ‘pocket money’! I was introduced to Janus a few years ago and had read the contacts section in Privilege. It took me ages but I plucked up the courage to place a contact ad in myself. I had lots of nice letters from CP enthusiasts. Finally, I replied and went out and met people and that’s where it all started.

When did you discover your interest in CP?

Well, I didn’t realise until I was about 13. I know some people always ‘know’ or ‘knew’ when they were seven but it was much later for me. I can’t actually remember a precise moment. I was very sporty and being very slim I didn’t develop breasts until much later, a lot of my friends were very ‘early developers’ and getting a lot of male attention in that area. I think that this lead me to identifying my bottom as an erogenous zone. I was confident with the way it looked and had noticed it was being admired.

I remember first being smacked on the back of the legs and occasionally on the bottom at gymnastics. The lady instructors were very bossy, it seemed funny then, but I never minded being smacked my them — it tingled. We would generally all have pink handprints on the back of our thighs and we would be fascinated with each others marks. I don’t remember anyone ever crying but they were very firm with us.

I had made quite a study of it, how it hurt more on cold skin, how the skin flashed white before turning pink over the following seconds.

In fact a year or so later, at my swimming club the coaches were generally men and at about that time I had read about a swimming coach getting into trouble for spanking a girl. I first wondered what it would be like to be spanked by a man but my coach was, I guess, in his fifties with a full beard and unfortunately at 14, I didn’t find that attractive.

I had also started to read books like Jilly Cooper’s Riders and relished the chapters with stem men and girls in jodhpurs and lots of riding crops. I still like to dress in my riding gear although I haven’t been near a horse in years!

Were you punished at home?

No, at home punishment was just a lecture or a clip round the ear and unfortunately CP was not widely in use while I was at school and had been abolished in state schools I think. But when I was about to make the transition from primary to junior school some older pupil had put about a rumour that the headmistress at the big school gave the kids the slipper and the boys the cane. I think we knew at the time it wasn’t true but this talk buzzed around the school for months and I now can’t imagine why eight-year-olds would be so preoccupied by this.

I do wonder what it would have been like to have been punished at school and whether I would have engineered situations to get into trouble (as I’d be inclined to now!). I was very crafty and always managed to stay out of trouble. I was very good at appearing like a swat and I did do very well at school. I was having a secret and quiet rebellion and got away with murder. We actually did have bike sheds and I did have my first kiss there at break time. I also narrowly missed being caught flashing my knickers in the squash court and got away with being drunk in a lesson. I only ever had two detentions and I think they were for talking in class.

Tell us about your first CP experience.

I had to wait until I was 17! I had tried to get boys to touch my bottom but it was very much like scenes in the film Secretary when the girl tries to guide her boyfriend’s hands to her bottom but he immediately drops his hands away — well it was very much like that. Teenage boys were useless too in my experience.

I was finally spanked for the first time when I got caught using the phone while I was babysitting. He was a single father, much older than me obviously but very attractive. He was very funny and was always joking about spanking me. I had snooped around the house of course, like every good babysitter, and found a load of spanking literature.

So I was in the lounge on the phone when he came in. He didn’t shout but had a very stern look on his face. When he undid my belt and jeans I seriously wondered if I was ready for this! had that dreadful exposed feeling as I felt my jeans coming down and I wished I had worn more grown-up knickers as I clung for dear life to my flowery cotton things.

It was a short spanking but I experienced it in slow motion and afterwards I felt very different. It was really awkward when I left and later I stood for a few minutes in front of my bedroom mirror looking at my pink bottom and the new me! Next time I got a few strokes of his leather belt across my bare bottom. God it stung, it took my breath away.

Do you have an unfulfilled CP fantasy?

Of course! I’d love to be punished at work by my boss. I think about it a lot — if only they knew! I have never done anything deliberately naughty to get into trouble but I’ve thought about it.

My boss has a moustache and is very serious looking. I have imagined being called into his office, or even better the wooden-panelled boardroom, to be given that delicious (if cliched) ultimatum — having to choose between taking a punishment or losing my job.

I have a lot of detail to this. I would be wearing stockings and suspenders (which I often do just in case) under a tight pencil skirt. I have practiced the look of false concern as he offers me the alternative to the sack. I would relish every moment as my skirt is pulled up and knickers slid down and I imagine my face pressed against the desk while I get a stinging and prolonged spanking.

I hate these PC times, clearly errors at my office would never be dealt with in this way. One of the juniors has threatened to cane me once which was initially very exciting but on pursuing the silly banter for a few minutes it became clear that he didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. It’s probably just as well or I’d never get any work done.

Tell us about your other ‘occupation’.

Well, I meet gentlemen for private CP sessions. I was so nervous at first meeting new people and stripping off to be punished but now I really look forward to it. It’s great because I am a successful career girl and have my full-time job but then I have my other job where I enjoy the company of interesting, like-minded people plus it gives me ‘pocket money’.

It feels wonderfully naughty leaving work for a session, anticipating what scenario we might play out or what kind of punishment I’m going to get. Afterwards on the way home with a hot and stinging bottom I get a real thrill looking around at people and think to myself that they would never guess in a million years what I’d just been doing — let alone believe if I told them. I have found it like a drug, I can’t give it up. It brings an excitement to my life that I just wouldn’t be able to get any other way. The feeling of baring your bottom to a stranger is the most exciting sensation, especially when you know that he is really enjoying it. That excites me. When I am being told off I get so into it, it’s as if it’s a real situation and that’s what I’ve always craved, real corporal punishment administered by a firm dominant man.

Describe what goes on during these encounters.

Sometimes it’s role-play and sometimes it’s more about just the punishment itself or involves a game of chance. Often I am a schoolgirl which I love because I can get all that guilt off my chest for all the stupid things I did but got away with.

So I dress in a blue pleated skirt and V-neck jumper, shirt and tie, knee-length socks and either full white cotton knickers or ‘regulation’ blue ones. I have a head girl badge and am usually summoned to the headmaster’s study to be stripped of it for some terrible behaviour and punished accordingly. I particularly like receiving the slipper as a schoolgirl, although it stings like hell it seems traditional and I love the ritual of being told off and told what my punishment will be, pulling down my knickers and bending over to touch my toes.

I also like playing the secretary or any scenario set in the office as I can really relate to that. One of my gentlemen calls me by the name of his actual PA. He is the boss and it must be so frustrating that he can’t put this girl over his knee. He should be able to, knowing some of the things she is repeatedly doing. So I have to act as the PA and regularly get the strap for poor timekeeping and general bolshiness.

Another time I have been a shoplifter caught in the act. That involved several different scenes where was taken through the steps of the process from being caught and searched to being sentenced and after my medical soundly punished. For each step of the process I had to vary my outfit and wear a different pair of coloured cotton knickers.

I see a chap who sets me difficult challenges, for instance I have to think of as many different positions as I can to receive different punishments. In my underwear only, I get five seconds between each set of six stokes to think of and get into the new position. Hesitation is punishable as is giving up without remembering obvious positions. You’d be surprised, using a couple of bits of furniture and imagination there were at least 12 distinctive positions.

Once I wore ten pairs of knickers and took a different implement between peeling down each layer, the crop, strap, paddle, whip and so on. The knickers had to be full in size and of thin cotton. I had a great time buying them all, I was giggling to myself the whole time. Finally I took the cane on the already hot and stinging bare bottom.

One of my best experiences was being caned over wet silk knickers. They were bought for me for the occasion, they’re tight french knickers and were very expensive. I kept them as a memento, the cane marks are very visible on them. It’s amazing, wetting the silk doesn’t just sting more it completely changes the sensation, it’s really intense. After your skin has become really hot and stingy, when more cold water is poured onto the knickers you can’t tell whether the water is hot or cold.

The cold water isn’t like having cold cream rubbed into your hot skin — but that’s nice too, that’s a lovely way to finish a session. It’s nice to chat about the session you’ve just had and say what you particularly enjoyed and people nearly always want me to enjoy it too and have my input which is nice.

I have also been taught how to make a birch. I have specific instructions including which young twigs to snip and how to bind them. I was set the task of reading a Victorian novel about a girl making and taking the birch. I had to go out and cut the young birch branches and make my own birch. I was tutored into which type of twig to look for and the sort of twine to use. It was really good fun and an experience I’ll never forget. Finally, I received my well-made birch. It’s so painful but I did just manage 24 strokes. My bottom was so hot and sore I had to stand on the train home!

I have been sent on many errands to buy equipment or something specific to wear. For instance, I was sent to James Smith & Son, the whip-makers on New Oxford Street, to buy a riding crop with specific instructions that the end must be wide and made of cloth. Another time I was given £200 to go to Harrods and buy three riding crops of differing severity. Two are leather and one a traditional canvas crop, they are beautiful.

What do you enjoy most about your sessions?

Everyone likes to have a secret and I have this fantastic naughty double life and I’ve met so many interesting people. I love the ritual and the physical sensation of being punished. I get a real buzz afterwards too which can last for hours, it’s as good as four gin and tonics. I think what’s really behind it now is that I have a lot of responsibility and autonomy at work and I’ve found myself in the position of being boss to several people. But I am naturally submissive and that is what’s missing from the majority of my day and it’s the thing I crave most.

Thank you.