Punishment Series — Juliet Tessler

An interview with yesterday’s feature girl Juliet Tessler, a.k.a. Lucy Bailey. From Janus 132

How did you get into spanking and what was your first real experience of CP?

It’s difficult to say exactly when I got into CP. As a child I was aware that thinking about being submissive aroused me in some way but even those feelings were playful and experimental, not directly sexual. I was never spanked as a child. In fact I had a very undisciplined childhood. My mother was from the freethinking 60’s generation. So I had a very free and open childhood. From a very young age I was trusted to make my own decisions. I think I would have liked more boundaries. Perhaps this instilled in me a need to misbehave in order to get attention. Through my puberty I was definitely aware that being made to behave was a big turn on. I began fantasising about being in situations where I would be beaten and punished. However, most of this was just happening in my head as I was not actually spanked until I was twenty-three, (I’m twenty-eight now). I’d had the fantasies and desires for years before I actually acted them out.

Why do you think it took so long to act on these desires?

Well probably like lots of people interested in spanking, I didn’t feel I could broach the subject with partners. For years I had no idea that there was a spanking scene and as a woman you don’t really find or even go looking for magazines etc. But actually the main reason that prevented me from asking someone to punish me, even though I had been fantasising about it for years was the fact that I was really terrified that it would be agony and that I wouldn’t be able to take it.

And was it?

The first time I was spanked, it did hurt but nowhere near as much as I imagined. I loved the after sensation of having a roasting bottom, which I had never experienced before. But I also liked how contrite it made me feel. I regret now that it took me so long to try it. All those wasted years. I’ve been trying to make up for it since though!

So do you see yourself as a very submissive person then?

No, I’m most definitely not naturally a submissive person. In fact bolshie and aggressive would be far more accurate. I’ve often been beaten for being ratty and difficult to live with. When I am rude or snappy and my partner does not respond I feel guilty and he feels annoyed with me. However, if I am smacked or punished I think we both feel much better. I think real punishments are quite cathartic. I find it very arousing to have partners who can assert themselves over me and stand up to me when necessary.

It sounds as if you almost get pleasure from being punished.

Oh yes! I’ve never come from being spanked but I can get really close, very, very excited and wet. But the pleasure is not always directly connected to the physical aspect of being beaten. It’s the state of mind it gets me into. Just the threat of the cane is often enough to get me to behave myself.

Yes, many girls have told me that the psychological aspect of the punishment is the most important thing.

I enjoy the submissive aspect of being beaten more than pain but I think you need a certain amount of pain in order to help make you submissive. It hard to explain, I am not into pain in itself but I enjoy the effect it has on me — that it makes me feel submissive and contrite. I have to really submit to the will of my punisher. But it is more than that and difficult to explain. I think that beating someone is an incredibly intimate and loving act. Your partner wants what is best for you and cares enough to punish you. I don’t have a safe word (cut off point) with my partner I like to try and accept whatever punishment he feels should be dished out to me. I trust him to know when to stop as he can gauge my reactions. I guess sometimes it is also nice to be a little scared and feel it really is out of your hands.

Are there any particular incidents or experiences that really stand out in your memory?

One of the most exhilarating spankings I have had was probably the first time I was spanked for real. That was the first time a partner actually gave me a really hard long spanking for something serious I had done. I definitely felt that I deserved it. Anyway, I found it incredibly sexually exciting, I was soaking wet almost at the point of coming. I was bombarded by all these new incredible feelings — the sensation of a glowing bottom and the after exhilaration from all the squirming around over his knee.

So would you say you live out a CP lifestyle?

I like to be punished for real in my relationship for real incidents as they happen. I have, for example, crashed the car and dreaded coming home knowing that I will be in big trouble! When being punished for actual misdemeanours I prefer to be caned or birched from cold — to feel every stroke. It also makes the whole experience ‘real’. During a serious punishment I like to know the amount of strokes I am going to receive. It gears me up to taking it. Usually the intensity of the punishment will reflect what happened. Biting my nails usually results in a stroke of the strap on the hand or maybe a sharp slap across the top of the thighs — whereas crashing the car that time led to a severe caning. I’d like to say I get spanked all the time but of course I don’t but that is because real life gets in the way. It actually probably a good thing as if you did it too much I think it would spoil it.

Can you tell us how you were punished when you crashed the car?

It’s is probably one of the heaviest punishments I have received. I took 100 strokes of the cane. My partner put me into the perfect submissive posture with my bottom exposed up in the air and my head down low on the bed. He instructed me not to count any of the strokes that were not hard and I didn’t cheat. He then told me that for the last 10 I should not move or make a sound, or the correction would begin again. Which I knew he meant. These last few increased in intensity, but I managed to take the punishment completely.

Did you enjoy being marked afterwards?

Oh yes, I enjoy the sensation of having a hot smacked bottom. I like to feel and rub it with my hands. I get a lot of pleasure from seeing the marks left on me after a beating, especially cane marks — to see and feel all those welts across my backside. They are also a kind of memento of the punishment — a secret that only you and your partner share.

I know you have written stories for Janus and PP. Can you tell us a little about this?

I find it easy to write CP stories when I’m horny. I just write down whatever I’m fantasising about. My head is always full of stories and scenarios: it’s just trying to convert them into something readable afterwards that takes all the time! I have written stories for both Janus and PP about some of my favourite fantasies. I have recently written The Practical Guide to CP (or how do I get my partner interested in Spanking?) It was a three-part guide published in Fetish Times Magazine accompanied by some beautiful CP and bottom pictures by China Hamilton. It was a great success. I am hoping now to have it published as a book. I felt compelled to write it after hearing two different accounts from young women who wanted to get into CP but were both put off, not so much by uncaring partners but because they were not introduced to it gently.

Tell us about one of your favourite fantasies.

That is difficult as fantasies always slightly change each time you imagine them. Also as a woman your sexuality always seems to be changing: what I liked last year I’m not so keen on now. Usually I will have a current fantasy that I will think about for a while, exhausting all the possibilities till I eventually move on to something new. Things I have seen or experiences I have had will really affect what I am fantasising about at that particular time.

For years one of my favourite fantasies is what I call my wedding night fantasy. It was definitely inspired by Wuthering Heights. Although in the book there is no direct mention of CP, we do learn that Heathcliff has tricked Isabella into marrying, so he can make her suffer (to get back at her brother). I loved to imagine that on my wedding night I discover that the man I have married intends to rule my life with CP. I know that now I am married there is no escape for me. Instead of consummating the marriage he takes me to the bedroom and takes off his belt and beats me black and blue to show me what to expect from now on.

What implements do you like?

I don’t really have a favourite position or implement because what I really enjoy is the idea that it is real and spontaneous. I usually fantasise about being beaten with impromptu implements, like a man taking off his belt to use it on me or breaking the branches off a tree to thrash me with. Recently I have been quite into being made to go and fetch the implement I am to be beaten with. I suppose I do have preferences, I like hand spanking, any soft leather implements the birch and cane best.

Do you also play out scenes?

Oh yes, I get punished for real but I also love to play out scenes. When it comes to being spanked it’s definitely all very sexual for me, that definitely is the motivation for it all. I suppose even when I am spanked for real there is some kind of kick to it. In fact it’s usually quite a punishment to be left all frustrated afterwards. When I play out scenes it is usually as a prelude to sexual kind of stuff. I like to really play out the part and especially to get dressed up. Just the ritual of shopping for the clothes to wear and getting ready for the scene is very exciting.

How do you like to dress for scenes?

I love to dress up, usually in uniforms. But I also love to be partly dressed to have no knickers on and my skirt tucked up exposing a very red or lined bottom or even completely naked in front of dressed men. I suppose it makes me feel very vulnerable. I am often made to stand in the corner with my skirt up during and after a punishment. It is interesting how wearing a certain costume changes your personality. I think this is because you lose your inhibitions and sense of self. I think costumes bring out the alter ego within you. When I put on a school uniform I immediately turn in to a wild St Trinian, having immense fun being naughty. I start misbehaving by provoking and irritating the people around me. Something about that uniform makes me feel childish and irresponsible.

As a woman what kind of CP material appeals to you?

I suppose I like reading stories best. I guess I like to imagine myself as the girl who is on the receiving end of the punishment. On the whole I have never really enjoyed any of the commercial spanking films. They are always badly acted with little thought given to the plot or costumes. They are made to appeal in a very visual way, pretty bottoms getting lots of action. Unfortunately I don’t think this really appeals to most women because we need fantasy, story and interplay between characters. I always feel they are made by men for men which is really a shame because good films would definitely make spanking more intriguing and appealing to women. I have always wanted to make a line of spanking films aimed at women. I think that’s why books such as the Black Lace line are doing so well as the development of the story and fantasy is so appealing to women. Two CP novels I have recently enjoyed were Hall of Infamy by Amanita Virosa a very strict disciplinarian tale [great book — I highly recommend] and Penny in Harness & A Taste of Amber by Penny Birch more down to earth spanking story. I’m also a big fan of Paula Meadows’ CP illustrations They appeal to me because there is something rather feminine about them, all that soft pencil work. She draws bottoms and CP positions better than any other artist I’ve seen. I always find her pictures arousing as a woman as within just one frame she often manages to tell a whole story that I can immerse myself in. The marking on the bottoms is exquisite and always completely realistic, it’s obvious that it’s drawn by someone with the benefit of experience.

You have appeared in quite a few CP films and used to perform at parties…

Probably because I have a very exhibitionist streak. I love to be beaten in public or in front of an audience: it’s very intense. Being with other people adds to the embarrassment. It becomes a very real situation where I have no control over what will happen to me. I have to take whatever is dished out to me. It becomes a very public demonstration of my submission. I also love to watch and hear other girls being punished. Years ago I was blindfolded at a party and all I could hear was the sounds of this girl who was whimpering away quietly as she was being whipped. It was an incredibly horny experience.

Finally, can you tell us what your ultimate CP scene would be?

My favourite fantasies and scenes are always those that involve other girls being disciplined especially if this takes place in front of an audience. For years I had the fantasy of being incarcerated in some kind of Reform School or Prison. Here all the inmates are regularly beaten. I always picture that this would take place on a certain day each week. All the offending girls would be taken in to a main hall. At one end would be a raised stage at the other invited guest of both sexes who would be sitting patiently awaiting the afternoon’s entertainment. Each girl would be hauled up on to the stage wearing only her institutional smock. A list of her misdemeanours would be read out, then the intended penalty. I like to imagine how scared I am before the punishment. The suffering of having to watch each of the girls before me harshly beaten. How I would have to listen to all their cries. Eventually I would be dragged up on to the stage where I would feel quite humiliated having to raise my smock and expose my bare bottom. How much I would suffer and squeal and how much pleasure the audience would receive from such a gratifying sight. When the ordeal is over we would all be lined up on the stage with our bottoms exposed so the guests could check the validity of our beatings. I’m getting quite excited just thinking about it.

Thank you Juliet for agreeing to be interviewed by Janus and for giving us such a thorough and interesting insight into your feelings and fantasies.