Letter from Janus 3.11 — Order of the Burning Bot

Where else to kick off the new Tuesday letters feature than the OBB.

The Order of the Burning Bot was a notable feature from early Janus whereby correspondents nominated celebrities who would benefit from a thorough bottom-warming. I have tried to track down the correspondence on this subject (although there are quite a few holes I fear) and will feature on the blog with added pictures of the suggested subjects culled from the internet. I will start with the earliest letter on the subject I can find, although the OBB already seems to be up and running at the time.

MORE ON THE ORDER OF THE BURNING BOT

J.F. of London suggests in Special No. 5 [sadly I don’t have that magazine] that you elect ‘the girl with the most Spankable Bottom of the Year’ and nominates Jacqueline Onassis and Brigitte Bardot (natch!) as having eminently caneable cans. Actually, the latter is given a whipping on the back in a short film adapted from Poe’s William Wilson, included in what is usually called Spirits of the Dead. As always in the movies it is unreal but the sound effects are good (cf. the caning in an early 1930’sish Huckleberry Finn movies or the BBC’s fine rendition of the birching of Helen Burns in an old Jane Eyre).

Jacqueline Kennedy/Onassis

Brigitte Bardot

On the principle of the prophet, that ‘The end of a thing is better than the beginning thereof,’ here are some more candidates from the teeming arena of Public Figures:

1. Julie Christie — a lovely bottom; six of the best, well bent and bared;

 

2. Romy Schneider — ditto, only more so (wider); six with a lean riding switch leaning forward at right angles for this Germany beauty;

 

3. Jeanne Moreau — an underestimated seat — small, supple, very reverberative; a fully mature woman with a lot of courage; ten with a heavy tawse (and watch her face);

 

4. Elizabeth Taylor — long overdue for a tanning (she actually played Helen Burns in Orson Welles’ Jane Eyre!); a classic Sitzplatz now fat yet still firm; a cord martinet, tips hardened in tar; sorry, Liz, fifteen strokes standing up, full across the solidest seat in cinema;

 

5. Grace of Monaco — probably the plumpest b.t.m. in the Princess stakes; a thorough hiding with almost anything to bring her down a peg, but preferably a public birching in front of her numerous servants with lots of humiliation — schoolgirl costume, bared and bent, and to be exposed later showing her marks in various shop windows of her capital (as the Japanese did in the last war with white women they captured and flogged);

 

6. Kerry Melville, the pixyish Australian tennis star, the tomboy type; a jolly, jouncy bottom she not infrequently slaps herself when fluffing shots; six with the cane;

 

7. Chris Evert, the teenage US tennis star; a stoical type; ten, we fear, nice and low;

 

8. Olga Korbut, the diminutive Russian gymnast (and Russian Army officer to boot!) — has to be the absolute and total tops in spankable bots; anyone who has seen her work out on the bars has to agree; she is tiny but has a superb, lithe figure and round, jutting bottom; also she cries so easily and eloquently; here is a firm muscly pair made for the cane; ten, full across.

 

Finally, for variety, almost any of the top twenty women skaters in the world (mostly East Germans, Poles and Russians) would furnish superb material in the south; These are big girls in prime condition nearly always with strong upper thighs and good gluteal folds. Well, we can dream, can’t we? In fact, that seems to me the purpose of Janus!

R.M., Lincs