By regular correspondent and poet M.B. of Grimsby from Janus 58 On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, A paddling on my little derriere. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Two smarting cheeks, And a paddling on my little derriere. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Three tearful tannings, Two smarting cheeks, And a paddling on my little derriere. On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Four blushing bums, Three tearful tannings, Two smarting cheeks, And a paddling on my little derriere. On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Five burning bots, Four blushing bums, Three tearful tannings, Two smarting cheeks, And a paddling on my little derriere. On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Six stripes a-sizzling, Five burning bots, Four blushing bums, Three tearful tannings, Two smarting cheeks, And a paddling on my little derri...