The Janus Model Interview — Amelia

From Janus 165

Shall we start at the beginning?

Well, I was born in London and still live there now. I went to a private boarding school in my teenage years and studied ballet because I wanted to be a dancer. It was very strict and they didn’t feed us enough, it was a very nasty environment. Someone got spanked there but it wasn’t me! I left there and trained as a ballet dancer and as an actress. I started working as a model which is where I am now, modelling in London and around the world.

Do you remember how old you were when your interest in CP first developed?

I was very young, I think I was, well actually I know I was three years old and it was one of my first memories. My parents read to me a lot and every time there was a story about someone who got into any kind of trouble I was always really interested and I didn’t want the story to end and of course in children’s stories people always get out of trouble again at the end and they are forgiven for whatever they’ve done and I was really disappointed about that. I wanted them to get into more trouble and be told off more and punished. So I knew I was into it from very young and my interest in it just got stronger and stronger as I got older.

Do you recall a particular story that may have sparked off this interest?

One of my favourite stories was Naughty Amelia Jane by Enid Blyton about a doll who was very bad and she got spanked and I remember reading that part of the story over and over again, so I really knew I loved that and it definitely sparked my interest. I remember being very young and laying under the dining room table and thinking about being kidnapped by very cruel pirates who probably spanked me. I don’t know how old I was but I was remarkably young! And from then on like, normal mainstream stories that had any element of punishment in them, I would find myself rereading the story and find myself getting excited as I came up to the bit where that would happen and kind of really savouring it and rereading it and always feeling very guilty and hoping no-one would notice that I was reading the same books over and over again. By the time I got to about ten or eleven, I was going to the library and searching out books about Victorian school and stuff like that and really hoping no-one would notice that my interest was already geared towards stuff involving physical punishment.

When did you connect these thoughts about physical punishment to sexual desires?

I know exactly when that was. By the time I was fourteen I was doing gymnastics quite seriously, I was entering for competitions. Gymnastics is a very physical thing and your coaches tend to touch you quite a lot and they can be strict because it’s a potentially dangerous thing to do and sometimes they used to kind of slap us which they probably wouldn’t be allowed to do now, and I was fantasising about that, you know, making up scenarios in my head about doing something really bad and getting into serious trouble and I realised at that point that there was something sexual to me about that and to be honest I was very worried about it. I thought there was something very wrong with me and I was unhappy about it and wanted to cure myself.

Had you actually been chastised physically by this time?

No, not at all. My parents really disagreed with corporal punishment. Possibly, I don’t know, but if I had been maybe I would have de-sexualised it, but really it was this area that I’d never gone to in real life at all. I had always avoided getting into any kind of trouble at school because I suppose I knew that because it would have a kind of sexual resonance for me, I couldn’t afford to be in a situation where I was being told off and finding it sexy because it seemed so exposing and embarrassing, so no, I never got punished at all. When I was sixteen I developed this fantasy that kind of ran in my head, in fact when I look back to being sixteen it’s one of the main things I remember! It was about being a rich girl who lived in a big house and my parents hired me a tutor stroke personal trainer who was ever so strict, obviously a lovely attractive man in my head, who taught me lots of things and was very strict about it and spanked me a lot with lots of different implements. It was a wonderful fantasy; it took hours of my time up. There were whole days of my life where it was running through my head whatever I was doing.

How did you envisage these punishments being administered?

Well, I’d watched that film with Helena Bonham Carter, Lady Jane. I remember seeing it with my parents and I thought they’d be able to tell because I was so transfixed by the punishment scene [YouTube link]. So basically, all my fantasies for quite a long time were based around that scene because that was the first time I’d seen a visual depiction of corporal punishment and I found it amazing. I imagined my punishments being quite formal, being bent over desks and tables and being punished and in my fantasies I always cried.

How long was it before you attempted to act out your fantasies for real?

Well I had seen A Nun’s Story with Audrey Hepburn where she practices self-flagellation and I was going through a very religious phase so I thought I would do that with an old belt I’d found but it wasn’t very successful and I thought, oh my god, I’m a sadomasochist! I did it on my back because I knew if I did it on my bare bottom it would become sexualised and I was trying to give myself other reasons for doing it but it only made me feel like a deviant! In fact we were studying deviancy in sociology for A levels at the time and it was going round my head that I must be one too. I was extremely worried about these feelings because I had not met anyone who was into it and as far as I was aware there wouldn’t ever be anyone I’d meet who would be into CP, so I thought, probably like a lot of people, that I was the only person in the world who happened to find this random thing sexy. By the time I was eighteen I knew I wanted to experience this stuff for real and I thought what job could I do that could lead to me possibly getting spanked but obviously there aren’t any! I did consider doing something dangerous abroad in a country where you might get imprisoned and punished, obviously that’s ludicrous. I did decide to be a dancer partly because it’s physically a strict thing to do. Obviously I couldn’t choose a job merely for my sexual pleasure so I ended up doing acting which is nothing to do with spanking at all, although once I graduated from drama school I found myself taking roles that involved some sort of sub/dom relationship in them. I played Ariel in The Tempest, who is a slave, I kind of always looked for those opportunities. I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was twenty-three because I was a bit nervous about that sort of thing. I didn’t know how to look for someone who was into spanking. By the time I actually got a boyfriend and I was living with him I was always hoping that if I did something bad enough he’d want to punish me. I broke his computer and I was ever so excited about him coming home and finding out. He didn’t spank me at all but eventually I did confess to him that I liked the idea and he confessed to me that he always liked the idea too but would have never mentioned it because he thought I would run away. So it was really lucky and he gave me my first spanking.

Would you care to elaborate?

Well, we were in bed together just kind of messing around and he just slapped my bottom and I remember just feeling this amazing heat through my body and I turned around and said ‘Oh I like that!’ So he carried on spanking me and that Christmas he bought me various things including a riding crop and that year we experimented a lot and it was lovely! After that relationship finished I discovered that there were such things as CP videos being made which I actually hadn’t realised and I thought it would be great to do it. A few people approached me to do it because by this time I was modelling and I thought about it a lot and it became a quite an exciting fantasy just the idea of doing it. Eventually, I decided that I’d just got to do it so I approached a couple of companies that looked reputable and did my first spanking shoot in Spain. By the time I arrived I’d got a pounding headache because I was terrified and I was really scared that I wouldn’t have the tolerance for it because with my boyfriend I have only just played at it and hadn’t taken anything very hard and I was really frightened that I would run out screaming in the first scene but it was everything I hoped it would be. It was exactly how it was in my fantasies, it hurt more which is always a shock, because you fantasise about it hurting and then when you realise how much it really hurts, it’s a shock to your system, but I loved it and I found it exciting.

What was the theme of the video?

I was playing a girl at university staying with an older uncle figure and I get into all sorts of trouble and came home and got punished for it. On my way over there I had decided to play a really difficult kind of bratty character and in reality I was so scared and overawed by the man playing my uncle that I couldn’t, I just became totally obedient and submissive because it was such an overwhelming experience.

Describe the punishment you received.

Well, it was a lot! First I took a hand spanking which I thought was just a kind of warm up but it really hurt and seemed to go on forever. Then he used a slipper on me which fortunately didn’t hurt, then they went straight to using a cane and that was terrible. I took fifteen strokes and they were very kind and gave me long breaks in between each five while they reset cameras and it was absolute agony and I couldn’t stay still, I really couldn’t. Then he used a leather paddle which I thought wouldn’t hurt but did and I remember screaming and they said I would have to scream less as people would hear. We were in a detached house so I must have been loud!

Then he used a leather strap which was shockingly painful. I did six scenes which was very tough for me at the time but I thought about it all the time afterwards and I couldn’t wait to do my next one!

Do you have any preferences regarding how discipline is administered to you and by whom?

In some ways there’s nothing better than a hand spanking because it’s so intimate especially over the knee, it’s so embarrassing I love it and although I’ve started taking harder implements, hand spanking can still really hurt to an unbearable level. I really do like leather straps, I don’t know why, I like the sensation very much. Again it’s extremely painful, I really like being face down on the bed taking a strapping, that’s great. I suppose the ultimate has to be the cane. It’s so scary, I’d read so much about it before I experienced it and it is incredibly painful when wielded by someone who knows what they are doing. I like the control of it that it doesn’t tend to be hundreds of strokes, it’s a set number and it gets worse as it progresses, very frightening. I guess it’s the ultimate instrument of punishment and for that reason it’s the best and the worst for me. I have two types of men that I fantasise about punishing me. One is a brutal prison guard type of man who doesn’t care what my response is and punishes me regardless. The other one which perhaps is more interesting is the gentler, more reasonable sort of chap who is sorry he is having to punish me but he’s doing it for my own good, certainly isn’t taking any pleasure in it and is just going to carry it out in a reasonable but severe fashion. I think that’s my favourite kind of dominant.

Tell us about your second engagement as a CP model.

I flew to Los Angeles to do a shoot for a really great website that does the most realistic discipline you could imagine. The person who runs the site likes you to turn up with things you have actually done wrong and discuss them and then be punished for them. That was really exciting for me because I’d got the idea of playing a character in a video and that was fine but to basically play myself talking about the things I actually do tend to do wrong in my life and then be punished for it was quite a perfect realisation of my fantasies. It was great, it was tough and he made me cry but it was a lovely really beautiful experience. I think there is the desire to experience the physical sensations of being spanked or caned but there is also the desire in me to experience actual discipline and this was close to that for me and I found it weirdly cathartic but it actually felt like something had been resolved. I know that sounds rather odd but for me it was great.

Would you care to reveal some of these misdemeanours?

I said I had been being rather rude and demanding to people I work with, which indeed I am sometimes. I work hard and if people give me any power at all I think maybe I abuse it a little, I don’t anymore because I’ve been punished for it of course but at the time I was finding myself being a bit sharp and snappy with people generally.

Your professional name is Amelia Jane Rutherford, I assume this is a reference to your early reading material and the influence of Mrs Blyton.

Yes, I went back to the first thing that had appealed to me which was Naughty Amelia Jane, so I chose that as my name. You see, Amelia Jane Rutherford is a very nasty girl. She gets to play various characters, she’s played a ballet dancer in a video and an actress in a movie in another video. She’s very proud, she’s very posh and incredibly privileged, extremely spoilt and demanding and just doesn’t ever back down. That’s what I really love about playing her, she’s tough and always goes down fighting. She likes to pretend that spankings don’t really hurt. I think there’s plenty of mileage in her yet!

You have described experiencing CP modelling, what about CP in your private life?

At first when I started making videos I thought I’d found what I wanted to do, I need to be making videos and that will keep me satisfied, but then I started to realise actually when the cameras are rolling you can’t totally express what’s really in you and it’s not real enough so I started to think I really want to play this out in real life. Ideally, what I want one day is a boyfriend or a husband who is also a strict disciplinarian. My first experience outside the professional area was pretty extreme. I don’t think I could have asked for anything more dramatic and exciting and to my taste than what happened. I did something a couple of months ago that I was quite ashamed of and I told a good friend of mine who was into the CP scene what I’d done. He said that I should be punished for it and I suppose I was hoping he would say that but it was still a shock. He decided that I should be disciplined in front of an audience. So he assembled a group of people at this beautiful old house where we would all be staying for the weekend. He told me that I would have to account for my actions in front of everyone and be punished. I hoped that it wouldn’t happen in front of too many people but at a dinner party one evening there were lots of people there. And then suddenly it was announced that I was going to be punished! I was kind of horrified and excited in equal measure, no probably more horrified actually. I was instructed to stand there and tell everyone about what I’d done.

Which was what?

I’d looked on someone else’s computer and found out something I shouldn’t have about them and then told someone else. It was a bad thing I did.

Oh dear, do continue.

I told the story to complete silence and then I was spanked by two of the men in turn while everyone watched and then I was told to take off all my clothes and bend over a table. Then they used a strap on me, forty strokes if I remember correctly. This of course was hideously humiliating as well as very painful but if you’d ever told the seventeen-year-old me that one day I’d have had a chance to play out that kind of scene in reality I would have been so excited about my future! I’ve always wanted to be punished for all the things I’ve done wrong in my life and I was never really punished for anything because I was quite crafty at school, I never got into any trouble at all, and to suddenly be actually punished for something I’d really done was extraordinary for me. It felt amazing and the idea of having someone who cares enough for me to discipline me for all the things I do wrong is the most attractive idea I can imagine. I also want to test my physical tolerance for how much I can take and investigate different fantasies. Obviously doing videos you have to be very careful about what you represent because it’s for public consumption and it has to be appropriate, you can’t really do anything taboo but in private you can delve into whatever is in your mind and I really love the freedom of that.

Your appearance in 164, which has caused a good deal of excitement amongst the readership, how did it come about?

I was very privileged to briefly meet the editor of Janus socially who invited me to shoot for the magazine and I was really pleased about it because I’d seen Janus as everyone who is into CP has and I was very excited about actually being in it. The man playing Mr Fortesque was fabulous he was very, very strict and something I hadn’t realised about a Janus shoot was that the spanking was real. I thought it would be pretend or staged but I actually get spanked and caned and it’s quite painful. It was a lovely shoot in a really nice location. It went on for a nice long time, I think it was about four hours to shoot and I had a splendid time and would certainly like to come back and develop the story we started further, in fact the more I can be in Janus, the better!

Amelia, thank you.