OBB — Letter from Janus 6.06

MORE TV STARS FOR THE CANE

Your correspondents who have nominated film and TV actresses for the Order of the Burning Bot have always given me great pleasure, so here are a few contributions.

Both the girls in The Good Life would be the better for regular chastisement. Felicity Kendal is an ideal candidate for the hairbrush at bedtime — six on the seat of her pyjamas and six with them round her knees. I can just see her pouting tearfully as she inspected the damage over her shoulder or in the mirror. As for her neighbour Margo (Penelope Keith), she’s a big girl who would really benefit from the cane. I expect she was no stranger to it at her expensive private school, but I’m sure she would still yelp and jump around very excitingly and earn herself a good lot of extra strokes. But let’s be fair and start with six of the best touching her toes of course, with her long evening dress right up over her shoulders.

Felicity Kendal

Penelope Keith

TV scriptwriters could do a lot more with their material. Other readers have mentioned Upstairs, Downstairs, but not, I think, Jacqueline Tong who played Daisy, a ripe candidate for a good hiding from her husband Edward or from Mr Hudson.

Jacqueline Tong

And in Fawlty Towers Connie Booth as the waitress surely got herself into trouble enough for her employer to put her across his knee and really whale her until she couldn’t sit down on her elegant fanny (as Americans like to call it!)

Connie Booth

And what about those naughty nurses in Angels? Sister’s leather-soled slipper could well have been brought into play on the seats of all of them, after they had been bent over a bed, starched skirts lifted and pants pushed well down below the tops of their black stockings. My own favourites for a good hiding here would be Pat (Fiona Fullerton) and Jo (Julie Dawn Cole).

Fiona Fullerton

Julie Dawn Cole

Dr Who’s young companion Sarah Jane (Elisabeth Sladen) could well do with a spanking the strap for her, I think, on the well-bent seat of her well-filled trousers.

Elisabeth Sladen

And surely Paul Merroney in The Brothers keeps a cane in his desk drawer for use on his oh-so-cool secretary Clare (Carole Mowlam). She wouldn’t be so cool after a quick six on the bare bottom for forgetting to deliver an important message. But what a pity the scriptwriter didn’t ever show us this side of their relationship.

Carole Mowlam

Well, there are a few ideas — and I haven’t even mentioned The Duchess of Duke Street, The Liver Birds, The Squirrels, the recent serial How Green Was My Valley, even those oldies Please Sir and My Wife Next Door, all of them with some eminently spankable young women. And what about some of the presenters of children’s programmes (Lesley Judd of Blue Peter, Carol Chell, Julie Stephens…)? So over to other readers to use their imaginations for us all.

A.J.W., Cambridge