Original Spanking Art — Darcy 9: Sheds and Their Uses

From the archives — original illustrations from Darcy with a linking narrative.

Is there a more quintessentially English structure than the garden shed?

That haven for menfolk, a dark and musty refuge offering tranquillity and, of course, privacy.

Where a man can escape from the realities of the outside world and indulge himself in any number of small tasks or hobbies.

Most are small, cosy, comfortable spots, where tools and implements can be stored, where pipes or cigars can be smoked, where lumps of wood can be whittled down into something more useful like a peg, or a spoon, or a paddle. Where bunches of twigs might be woven together to form a basket, or merely tied at one end in a bunch to form a birch. Old discarded objects tend to gather in sheds, where they can be put to alternative uses. Table tennis bats, old hairbrushes, odd slippers — all can find a new purpose in the right hands. An off-cut of leather might seem useless, but fix it to a sturdy handle and you have a tawse that might see many years of service. String and rope of different lengths is always useful, to tie up bunches of nettles or to restrain a wilful and disobedient student.

Yes, for the hobbyist a shed is an essential location. A place to relax and indulge yourself. Whether that indulgence be to build model-kits, repair mechanical items, revisit those specialist magazines from yesteryear that form a neat pile in one corner, or to discipline and correct errant nieces, naughty neighbours, visiting step-daughters or wilful wives and mothers-in-law.

What a delightfully English place is the shed.

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Albert’s shed has always been a busy place. For years he visited each evening and most weekends. Sometimes alone to take care of practical issues, often with his wife who benefited from a strict lesson each time she failed to balance the household books or burnt his toast. When his sister-in law was going through her divorce she moved in, and he found that she also needed a regular reminder as to how to be a considerate and grateful house-guest. Now it’s his niece, Chantelle, who he tends to most often. Each weekend she comes to stay at the request of her mother, who has given Albert carte-blanche to keep Chantelle, a wilful and energetic teen, in line. Chantelle complains and struggles and then, when she knows her punishment is inevitable, pleads and bargains. But Albert always does what is expected of him with all the energy and vigour he can muster. He is, after all, an Englishman.

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Poppy has come to visit with her aunt and uncle for the summer, while her mother is away on business. Well, she says it’s business but Poppy has a strong suspicion that those trips abroad with her boss are more to do with pleasure then work.

Her aunty is a real sweetheart who will let her get away with anything. Her uncle on the other hand is a more frightening and formidable figure. When Poppy came home from a day out with friends showing off her new nose-ring, Uncle Pete really blew his top. He dragged her to his shed at the end of the garden and gave her a long hard spanking over his knee, all the time lecturing her. ‘A girl…’ smack ‘does not…’ smack ‘get a ring…’ smack smack smack ‘put through her bloody nose.’ Smack smack smack!

‘That’s for cows and pigs.’ Smack smack smack smack smack!

He says that’s what he’s going to call her from now on, Poppy the Piglet.

He’s told her to stand there and consider the error of her ways while he chooses a cane from his cupboard. This will be a lesson she’ll never forget. Just like the last few in fact…

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Mike and Steve are brothers. They share a shed on a nearby allotment. Mike is a dab hand at woodwork and is currently working on a useful bench that the brothers designed together. It can be configured in a number of ways and will come in very handy when they discipline their wives. At the moment they have Mike’s wife, Sharon, stretched over three stools of different heights which is, let’s face it, far from ideal. Steve’s wife, Alice, has already received a thorough going-over from both men, and she fell off the stools twice and needed more strokes to remind her the need for balance and focus. Steve, holding the cane, is especially keen to get to work on Sharon as tonight is their anniversary. The girls were told to dress up for the evening, and their fancy outfits only add to the men’s delight in doling out the much-needed reminder that they are in charge.

‘We’ve been married five years,’ says Steve. ‘I think five strokes for each year sounds fair. Then Mike can have a go.’

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Svetlana met Arthur on line. He knew she really just wanted an easy life and the necessary papers to get into the country, so he ensured she signed a legally-binding document first. She had to stay with him for a minimum of five years and she had to obey the rules of his household and accept whatever discipline he deemed necessary. They married soon after and he welcomed his new wife and her teenaged daughter to his home. They had only been there for a week when Arthur summoned them into his shed.

‘My dears, I have a list of all the misdemeanours you have committed. You will receive one stroke of the cane each for every one.’

He dealt with his wife first, applying the cane with unusual vigour over her legs and thighs, front and back Then moved on to her delightfully round bottom. While his wife stood sobbing in the corner, he turned to his adopted daughter.

‘Now you know what to accept, it is your turn Luci.’

‘Yes Papa,’ replied the terrified girl. ‘Thank you Papa.’