Hannah Hampton


Good luck to the England Lionesses in their semi-final against Italy on Tuesday. Their quarter-final hero in the penalty shoot-out, Hannah Hampton, was profiled in the Times yesterday and I was struck by her resemblance to the lovely Janus star Rebecca Coleman. Could they, by any chance, be related?


Either way, we know how she should be dealt with if she lets us down on Tuesday…

Comments

  1. New Moral Order20 July 2025 at 14:11

    Women? Football? What on earth is the world coming to?

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  2. Anonymous20 July 2025 at 23:36

    Great shout out for the likeness to Rebecca Coleman, Mr Evans. NMO, I remember well a couple of soccer-themed Janus cover shoots; the world had come to it, even back then!

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    Replies
    1. New Moral Order21 July 2025 at 01:26

      That's as may be, Anonymous, but it's all getting rather out of hand now. Netball, rounders and hockey are the games for girls. And majoretting, of course. Marvellous watching all those synchronised young limbs pumping away together.

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  3. Anonymous21 July 2025 at 07:24

    Very good observation Mr Evans. Ladies football takes itself far too seriously encouraged by self righteous harridans like Gabby Logan and Alex Scott both of whom could do with a dose of something swishy, stingy and tear inducing. Now I would call that highlights!

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  4. Anonymous21 July 2025 at 07:30

    I agree NMO, netball - short pleated skirts, tight blue knicks, definitely no bras ( not required for sixth formers) and an audience of young louts and elderly gents yelling "encoragement" of the rudest type.

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  5. Anonymous21 July 2025 at 08:02

    Perhaps an OBB celebrity Sports Day with front and central appearances from the gym horse, wall bars and rings. Forfeits administered by selected audience members to wriggling rumps and the occasional interlude where a chosen young lady is taken off somewhere secluded for a spell of 121 "exercise". My nominations to follow below....

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  6. Anonymous21 July 2025 at 08:14

    Five from the 1980's and five more contemporary nominations.
    1. Anne Diamond, pertly pretty and snooty to match. Two hours being "beasted" around a gym, literally accompanied by applications of Lochgelly and rattan on her writhing rear would bring this poppet down a peg or two. Twenty minutes "putting out" on her back to relieve any tension her trainer had built up would complete her lesson most satisfactorily.

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  7. Anonymous21 July 2025 at 08:17

    2. Cheryl Baker. For her costumes and terrible singing i would just put her straight over the Horse and take the skin off her backside. "If you can't stand the heat" indeed young woman.

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  8. Anonymous21 July 2025 at 08:23

    3. Simone Hyams of Grange Hill fame. Star jumps, press ups and running on the spot for this generously endowed Miss. Plenty of ribald comments to get the tears flowing and then a private session of "mouthing and lipping" as it was memorably described in Blushes 7.

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  9. Anonymous21 July 2025 at 08:29

    4. Miss Diane from Crossroads - anyone remember her? An eclectic choice this one but something about her demeaning maids uniform, simpering smile and wide open blue eyes always made me long to put her "over and up for it". A dozen stingers with a nice swishy cane and then, knickers around her knees, she can serve refreshments to the invited audience.

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  10. Anonymous21 July 2025 at 08:34

    5. Janet Ellis, often nominated back in the day for the OBB and quite rightly. Just a long public OTK for this filly and a session with three or four gents in a backroom afterwards to "settle her down".

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  11. Anonymous29 July 2025 at 10:10

    Lioness Chloe Kelly has apparently been slammed by Spanish media for cocky gestures after her penalty score in Sunday's game. I think we at 2D would have some solutions to such attitude issues.

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